I think, since this whole experience has started, the most annoying symptom I’ve experienced is these tremors. 

The doctors have been calling it either pseudoseizures or functional movement disorder.  Some doctors, who have since proven themselves to be unreliable, believe that they are focal seizures that aren’t getting picked up on EEG’s and have put me on antiseizure medication to stop them. 

Sometimes I don’t have the movements for a while and feel like the anti-seizure medication is working. But then I hit periods of time like these last two days where I have bad “auras” much like people with seizures will get, can’t get settled, feel restless, and have difficulty focusing and shortly after will start to shake uncontrollably in isolated areas of my body. 

Primarily it is my right arm affected, which makes it hard to write and play games, not that I have much ability to do those things anyway with high distractibility and increased cognitive impairment that happens around these times. These last two days it seems to be mostly in my legs however which is not conducive for rest. 

It is annoying! Especially as the aura and restlessness makes it hard to sleep and the lack of sleep makes the tremors worse and controlling them harder! 

Thankfully it hasn’t gotten back to the point of going back to the hospital. I can still classify the tremors as being intermittent rather than continuous like they can be at times. 

One thing I will say positively about the tremors, however, is they force me to take breaks and do create some humorous moments. I have a tendency to work too hard and forget to take care of myself when I get very invested in something. The tremors don’t let me get too attached to anything because of the high destructivity therefore I start remembering to eat and take breaks again. 

I am lucky to have people in my life with me that enjoy a good laugh. The tremor causes me sometimes to knock on things and often when that starts up I will hear from the other room “Who is it? Come in! I said “Come IN!”” from loved ones and that is amusing. Other times they will cause my legs to shake, shaking whatever surface I am resting on, and that is often met with humor directed at being rocked gently to sleep, massage chairs, personal earthquakes, etc..

But when I am trying to type and my hand won’t stop shaking I do find myself wishing I had a magic lamp with just one wish in it- Make the stupid things stop!

Alas, the world doesn’t work that way. I will keep trying to find my work around. 

-Dare.